Man versus phone

How to be an Angel and Other Life Skills

It’s deceptively easy to be an asshole. The first step is to take your all your compassion and any inherent charm you may possess and suppress it. Any positive traits are pretty much useless in the quest to piss off those around you. You will need to be stoic. You will need to be unwavering in your stance that everyone is out for themselves and anything that may seem selfless or even helpful is a farce and should be exposed as such. What you will need is indifference, pointed sarcasm, and a condescending tone. Having these three tools in your arsenal will set you up to be the best asshole you can be.

Indifference is easy. Just tell yourself that others’ feelings are inconsequential. In fact, immerse yourself in the idea that the feelings of others don’t exist. Don’t let that pesky feeling of guilt get in the way of being the victim in life. Become aware today!

Author’s note: This article was written by me in November 2017 and originally titled “How to piss people off and Other Life skills” I edited for final publication March 9. The main change is the title.

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